Were in the money! Or maybe not, in fact most likely not after looking at my bank account.
The past few months have been dire in the work market, as summer hits everyone's thoughts turn to holidays and day's out which for a website designer is not a great time of the year. I mean no one wants to spend money on something like a website when they could spend it on a few cocktails or a fabulous holiday do they!
Which is why I am now in the dilemma that I am in, I have no money!! None, zilch, nada in fact I cry every time I look at my bank balance it is that sad :( Today was the icing on the cake though as a month ago I sihned up to 'Amazon Prime' then I cancelled it, or I thought I had cancelled it but instead they took £49 from my severely depreciated bank account. Which has left me in a bit of a pickle to be honest because this week I have bills going out like my car insurance which is pretty important and umm the funds are not there to cover it and are very much un-likely to find its way into my bank account for tomorrow morning.
However I start my new job on Tuesday which I am really glad about, it will give me that cushion to cover bills etc until my larger projects take off. But that leaves me thinking about my larger projects and why they have stood still for soo long or just not worked as they should have done.
I think partly it is my quest for perfection that no matter how hard I try will not happen because perfection is in the eye of the beholder and changes constantly. Its also issues with working with someone else who has different ideas than your own on how things should be. I think that is the crux of the issue to be honest, I know in my head what I want but the other person doesn't see it or agree with it, so we are at an empass so to speak. Where do we go, how do we continue is the questions going through my head constantly. I just don't know, which is probably why for the past month I have sat back and not done anything to move the projects forward.
It is sad, in fact it's frustrating, sad, emotional and I'm angry at the same time. I know in my heart that my project will work and will secure me a future but I can't move forward with it because I'm being held back all the time. In fact as I write this I am crying because of frustration and the lack of knowing how to proceed with my dream. It shouldn't be as hard as all of this surely!
Sunday 2 September 2012
Saturday 1 September 2012
Wombling wimblington ...
A random title with no relevance to the blog post but to be honest I just feel like being random.
So today is a non hectic day which is quite nice however it has been non productive but I guess that is what weekends is all about. It did get me thinking about the last few weeks and my foray into online dating. I was chatting to a friend the other night, who strangely I met via Plenty of Fish, anyway we where catching up and asking how we where doing with the whole Internet dating thing. It transpired that neither of us had been that successful with it and had met a few of the non-normal people on pof. But we had been successful in the real world, well he had been and me well it's kind of early days.
This got me thinking about what exactly I wanted, I thought I knew when I first started the whole dating thing but after meeting a few people I was completely confused. Did I want just friends, a sex friend, casual dating or more. Of the people I met 2 I can say they are now friends, one was a disaster and another was probably only a sex thing.
Then there is the friend who I have known for over a year and well I'm now completely confused. We chat constantly, we laugh, take the piss and are completely honest with each other. And I like it, I like the feeling of being liked enough for someone to want to chat with me constantly. But I'm scared, sounds stupid but there is something there with this person and I'm scared of feeling this way. I don't want to fuck anything up by being too needy or impatient which I know I can be sometimes. But I feel special with this person and I don't just want friends, or a sex thing with him I want more, that's scary though! Scary as in can I go through the whole trusting someone again, will I get hurt like the last goodness knows how many times. Or should I just go with the flow and see what happens.
What would you do? Would you run for the hills and deny yourself any happiness because of what past relationships have done to your confidence. Or would you embrace it?
As I write this, and chat to the person in question, I realise that I'm ready to jump hand in hand with this person straight into the muddy puddle and embrace it with wide open arms. That's my decision I just hope he doesn't run away, not sure how I would handle that x
So today is a non hectic day which is quite nice however it has been non productive but I guess that is what weekends is all about. It did get me thinking about the last few weeks and my foray into online dating. I was chatting to a friend the other night, who strangely I met via Plenty of Fish, anyway we where catching up and asking how we where doing with the whole Internet dating thing. It transpired that neither of us had been that successful with it and had met a few of the non-normal people on pof. But we had been successful in the real world, well he had been and me well it's kind of early days.
This got me thinking about what exactly I wanted, I thought I knew when I first started the whole dating thing but after meeting a few people I was completely confused. Did I want just friends, a sex friend, casual dating or more. Of the people I met 2 I can say they are now friends, one was a disaster and another was probably only a sex thing.
Then there is the friend who I have known for over a year and well I'm now completely confused. We chat constantly, we laugh, take the piss and are completely honest with each other. And I like it, I like the feeling of being liked enough for someone to want to chat with me constantly. But I'm scared, sounds stupid but there is something there with this person and I'm scared of feeling this way. I don't want to fuck anything up by being too needy or impatient which I know I can be sometimes. But I feel special with this person and I don't just want friends, or a sex thing with him I want more, that's scary though! Scary as in can I go through the whole trusting someone again, will I get hurt like the last goodness knows how many times. Or should I just go with the flow and see what happens.
What would you do? Would you run for the hills and deny yourself any happiness because of what past relationships have done to your confidence. Or would you embrace it?
As I write this, and chat to the person in question, I realise that I'm ready to jump hand in hand with this person straight into the muddy puddle and embrace it with wide open arms. That's my decision I just hope he doesn't run away, not sure how I would handle that x
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