Were in the money! Or maybe not, in fact most likely not after looking at my bank account.
The past few months have been dire in the work market, as summer hits everyone's thoughts turn to holidays and day's out which for a website designer is not a great time of the year. I mean no one wants to spend money on something like a website when they could spend it on a few cocktails or a fabulous holiday do they!
Which is why I am now in the dilemma that I am in, I have no money!! None, zilch, nada in fact I cry every time I look at my bank balance it is that sad :( Today was the icing on the cake though as a month ago I sihned up to 'Amazon Prime' then I cancelled it, or I thought I had cancelled it but instead they took £49 from my severely depreciated bank account. Which has left me in a bit of a pickle to be honest because this week I have bills going out like my car insurance which is pretty important and umm the funds are not there to cover it and are very much un-likely to find its way into my bank account for tomorrow morning.
However I start my new job on Tuesday which I am really glad about, it will give me that cushion to cover bills etc until my larger projects take off. But that leaves me thinking about my larger projects and why they have stood still for soo long or just not worked as they should have done.
I think partly it is my quest for perfection that no matter how hard I try will not happen because perfection is in the eye of the beholder and changes constantly. Its also issues with working with someone else who has different ideas than your own on how things should be. I think that is the crux of the issue to be honest, I know in my head what I want but the other person doesn't see it or agree with it, so we are at an empass so to speak. Where do we go, how do we continue is the questions going through my head constantly. I just don't know, which is probably why for the past month I have sat back and not done anything to move the projects forward.
It is sad, in fact it's frustrating, sad, emotional and I'm angry at the same time. I know in my heart that my project will work and will secure me a future but I can't move forward with it because I'm being held back all the time. In fact as I write this I am crying because of frustration and the lack of knowing how to proceed with my dream. It shouldn't be as hard as all of this surely!
Sunday 2 September 2012
Saturday 1 September 2012
Wombling wimblington ...
A random title with no relevance to the blog post but to be honest I just feel like being random.
So today is a non hectic day which is quite nice however it has been non productive but I guess that is what weekends is all about. It did get me thinking about the last few weeks and my foray into online dating. I was chatting to a friend the other night, who strangely I met via Plenty of Fish, anyway we where catching up and asking how we where doing with the whole Internet dating thing. It transpired that neither of us had been that successful with it and had met a few of the non-normal people on pof. But we had been successful in the real world, well he had been and me well it's kind of early days.
This got me thinking about what exactly I wanted, I thought I knew when I first started the whole dating thing but after meeting a few people I was completely confused. Did I want just friends, a sex friend, casual dating or more. Of the people I met 2 I can say they are now friends, one was a disaster and another was probably only a sex thing.
Then there is the friend who I have known for over a year and well I'm now completely confused. We chat constantly, we laugh, take the piss and are completely honest with each other. And I like it, I like the feeling of being liked enough for someone to want to chat with me constantly. But I'm scared, sounds stupid but there is something there with this person and I'm scared of feeling this way. I don't want to fuck anything up by being too needy or impatient which I know I can be sometimes. But I feel special with this person and I don't just want friends, or a sex thing with him I want more, that's scary though! Scary as in can I go through the whole trusting someone again, will I get hurt like the last goodness knows how many times. Or should I just go with the flow and see what happens.
What would you do? Would you run for the hills and deny yourself any happiness because of what past relationships have done to your confidence. Or would you embrace it?
As I write this, and chat to the person in question, I realise that I'm ready to jump hand in hand with this person straight into the muddy puddle and embrace it with wide open arms. That's my decision I just hope he doesn't run away, not sure how I would handle that x
So today is a non hectic day which is quite nice however it has been non productive but I guess that is what weekends is all about. It did get me thinking about the last few weeks and my foray into online dating. I was chatting to a friend the other night, who strangely I met via Plenty of Fish, anyway we where catching up and asking how we where doing with the whole Internet dating thing. It transpired that neither of us had been that successful with it and had met a few of the non-normal people on pof. But we had been successful in the real world, well he had been and me well it's kind of early days.
This got me thinking about what exactly I wanted, I thought I knew when I first started the whole dating thing but after meeting a few people I was completely confused. Did I want just friends, a sex friend, casual dating or more. Of the people I met 2 I can say they are now friends, one was a disaster and another was probably only a sex thing.
Then there is the friend who I have known for over a year and well I'm now completely confused. We chat constantly, we laugh, take the piss and are completely honest with each other. And I like it, I like the feeling of being liked enough for someone to want to chat with me constantly. But I'm scared, sounds stupid but there is something there with this person and I'm scared of feeling this way. I don't want to fuck anything up by being too needy or impatient which I know I can be sometimes. But I feel special with this person and I don't just want friends, or a sex thing with him I want more, that's scary though! Scary as in can I go through the whole trusting someone again, will I get hurt like the last goodness knows how many times. Or should I just go with the flow and see what happens.
What would you do? Would you run for the hills and deny yourself any happiness because of what past relationships have done to your confidence. Or would you embrace it?
As I write this, and chat to the person in question, I realise that I'm ready to jump hand in hand with this person straight into the muddy puddle and embrace it with wide open arms. That's my decision I just hope he doesn't run away, not sure how I would handle that x
Friday 31 August 2012
Because I'm Livid...
I want to share the posts with you that made me so angry. Please note I have not edited these in anyway, form or shape!
This is what started it off:
Lols I got fired from my job as an accountant for a public row with a female worker (the bosses wife - he even said he didn't want to fire me but didn't have a choice!) she decided to LOUDLY complain about the very nice gay couple that had come in to get some info - she was SO disgusting and I just went potty at her lols
I was 15 at the time :P and to be honest im not going to not intervene when someone - dont give a rats arse who - turns around to a nice gay couple and starts telling them they'll be burning in hell soon
It was only for summer so getting fired a month before it ended because some woman was a nasty cow don't bother me in the slightest - I certainly wouldn't shut my mouth and let someone slag off people in front of me for something like homophobia or racism now >.< im not that self interested
and keeping schtum to protect ones own arse is a weak action - im not going to be nice and quiet and let bad things happen - it would make me as much a bad person as the person doing the bad deed - just like if someone is attacked in front of you - those that don't intervene out of self concern have always disgusted me - my friend LEFT our best friend to be beaten into a hospital bed because he was being cowardly - I have never and would never be like that - it's nothing more than a lack of spine
and i've been on the receiving end of alot more than some bitchiness and loathe people who care more for their own hides than speaking out - it's refusing to speak up publicly that ALLOWS people to keep doing something wrong - and that IS cowardice
Yes I would Nicole and I have - I have gone to hospital and put others in hospital (and no not bothered by the fact I've done either of these things lols) im not going to not help people because im a coward - and it DOES boil down to cowardice - if you leave someone getting beaten on the streets your doing it specifically to save your own arse and therefore being a coward - and fyi i never shouted at her either >.<
So these are the posts that offended me in such a way that I'm still peeved off about it. Now there where responses in between but she didn't listen to them and continued to spout off about being a coward.
For any legal information, this is my blog and my thoughts so what I post or do not post is to be honest my own business.
This is what started it off:
Lols I got fired from my job as an accountant for a public row with a female worker (the bosses wife - he even said he didn't want to fire me but didn't have a choice!) she decided to LOUDLY complain about the very nice gay couple that had come in to get some info - she was SO disgusting and I just went potty at her lols
I was 15 at the time :P and to be honest im not going to not intervene when someone - dont give a rats arse who - turns around to a nice gay couple and starts telling them they'll be burning in hell soon
It was only for summer so getting fired a month before it ended because some woman was a nasty cow don't bother me in the slightest - I certainly wouldn't shut my mouth and let someone slag off people in front of me for something like homophobia or racism now >.< im not that self interested
and keeping schtum to protect ones own arse is a weak action - im not going to be nice and quiet and let bad things happen - it would make me as much a bad person as the person doing the bad deed - just like if someone is attacked in front of you - those that don't intervene out of self concern have always disgusted me - my friend LEFT our best friend to be beaten into a hospital bed because he was being cowardly - I have never and would never be like that - it's nothing more than a lack of spine
and i've been on the receiving end of alot more than some bitchiness and loathe people who care more for their own hides than speaking out - it's refusing to speak up publicly that ALLOWS people to keep doing something wrong - and that IS cowardice
Yes I would Nicole and I have - I have gone to hospital and put others in hospital (and no not bothered by the fact I've done either of these things lols) im not going to not help people because im a coward - and it DOES boil down to cowardice - if you leave someone getting beaten on the streets your doing it specifically to save your own arse and therefore being a coward - and fyi i never shouted at her either >.<
So these are the posts that offended me in such a way that I'm still peeved off about it. Now there where responses in between but she didn't listen to them and continued to spout off about being a coward.
For any legal information, this is my blog and my thoughts so what I post or do not post is to be honest my own business.
Online Arguments ...
Before I start here I will admit that I had drunken one glass of a white wine before this, for those of you who actually know me then this is unusual. The above information will help you set the scene...
I love Facebook, I'm not addicted but I love the fact that I can have friends from around the world within easy reach and that communication can become so free. However I am a member of one of the many groups on Facebook which is one of my favorite groups, however...
We had an argument, ok it started off with a post asking if you had more male friends than female friends. It was going well until one of the 'colorful' characters decided that she would post about here experience as a 15 year old accountant where she went 'Potty' (her words not mine) at the bosses wife because the bosses wife was rude to a gay couple that had come into the office. It then digressed into homophobic laws and what is right and what is wrong. You can see where this is going can't you, it's not going to be pretty.
This colorful character then decided that she was going to go on a full out scathing attack on anyone who didn't follow her principles. The principles where that if she was out (she is 22 not that age has anything to do with it) and saw a fight happening or anything like that then she would wade in and sort it out. Fine, each to their own if that's what she feels comfortable doing then fine. However, she then said that anyone who didn't follow what she would do is a coward!!!! Red flag to a bull time for me to be honest because calling me a coward is just not on. I value my life, I like my life in fact I pretty much want to stay alive. So if I see anything happening on a street then no I wouldn't dive in to sort it out I would call the police who are trained to deal with this and let them sort it out.
But apparently that makes me a coward!!
I swore at this person, I don't swear or normally get angry but this tipped me over the edge. How many times do you hear on the news or read in the papers about innocent people being killed because they did the right thing and stepped in to stop a fight or something. I can guarantee that it happens at least once a week and that is very scary. Do you want to be another one of those statistics just to NOT be called a coward?! I don't and I'm pretty sure that most other people don't want to either.
It's now been two days since the incident and I am still seething, in fact I am livid that someone who doesn't know me can have such disregard towards another persons thoughts and beliefs.
I love Facebook, I'm not addicted but I love the fact that I can have friends from around the world within easy reach and that communication can become so free. However I am a member of one of the many groups on Facebook which is one of my favorite groups, however...
We had an argument, ok it started off with a post asking if you had more male friends than female friends. It was going well until one of the 'colorful' characters decided that she would post about here experience as a 15 year old accountant where she went 'Potty' (her words not mine) at the bosses wife because the bosses wife was rude to a gay couple that had come into the office. It then digressed into homophobic laws and what is right and what is wrong. You can see where this is going can't you, it's not going to be pretty.
This colorful character then decided that she was going to go on a full out scathing attack on anyone who didn't follow her principles. The principles where that if she was out (she is 22 not that age has anything to do with it) and saw a fight happening or anything like that then she would wade in and sort it out. Fine, each to their own if that's what she feels comfortable doing then fine. However, she then said that anyone who didn't follow what she would do is a coward!!!! Red flag to a bull time for me to be honest because calling me a coward is just not on. I value my life, I like my life in fact I pretty much want to stay alive. So if I see anything happening on a street then no I wouldn't dive in to sort it out I would call the police who are trained to deal with this and let them sort it out.
But apparently that makes me a coward!!
I swore at this person, I don't swear or normally get angry but this tipped me over the edge. How many times do you hear on the news or read in the papers about innocent people being killed because they did the right thing and stepped in to stop a fight or something. I can guarantee that it happens at least once a week and that is very scary. Do you want to be another one of those statistics just to NOT be called a coward?! I don't and I'm pretty sure that most other people don't want to either.
It's now been two days since the incident and I am still seething, in fact I am livid that someone who doesn't know me can have such disregard towards another persons thoughts and beliefs.
Tuesday 28 August 2012
Oh dear....
Sometimes I am on the ball with my witty comments, other times I am in a can't be arsed mood so just ignore messages that come through of a certain nature. Anyway I want to share some of the more comical ones with you and apologies in advanced for the 'crude' nature of the writing.
Number 1 - received today so is one of my more wittier ones:
HIM: Wow you look amazing sweetheart love your pics if your interested get in touch xxx
ME: Hi, Thank you, your profile doesn't say a lot about you to be honest. But I'm *insert name*
HIM: Hi *insert name* what r u looking for x
ME: Hi, who knows to be honest I'm slowly losing the will to live on POF ;) what are you looking for?
HIM: To see you naked riding my cock as my gf
ME: So the addition of 'as my gf' was an after thought because you thought it would soften the whole 'naked riding my cock' thing?
HIM: No it was one statement
ME: Ok so who are you?
HIM: *insert name*
ME: Hello *insert name*, so tell me how often does that chat up line work for you?
HIM: First time used so u tell me
ME: I'm afraid to say it didn't work for me. I will let you try another chat up line because today I am feeling in a good mood ;)
HIM: Il let u show me how it's done then
ME: That's just a cop out now! Ok to start with when messaging someone on POF before you get to the whole 'wanna ride my cock' thing you need to give them a bit of banter, charm them, talk or in this case message them. Kind of get them interested in you first then whip out the whole 'suck my cock' kind of thing.
He has since disappeared to terrorise some other woman with his rubbish chat up lines. But this people is what I am faced with in the world of online dating, and just in case any of you men out there are reading this please take on board my suggestions on how to chat to a woman!
Number 1 - received today so is one of my more wittier ones:
HIM: Wow you look amazing sweetheart love your pics if your interested get in touch xxx
ME: Hi, Thank you, your profile doesn't say a lot about you to be honest. But I'm *insert name*
HIM: Hi *insert name* what r u looking for x
ME: Hi, who knows to be honest I'm slowly losing the will to live on POF ;) what are you looking for?
HIM: To see you naked riding my cock as my gf
ME: So the addition of 'as my gf' was an after thought because you thought it would soften the whole 'naked riding my cock' thing?
HIM: No it was one statement
ME: Ok so who are you?
HIM: *insert name*
ME: Hello *insert name*, so tell me how often does that chat up line work for you?
HIM: First time used so u tell me
ME: I'm afraid to say it didn't work for me. I will let you try another chat up line because today I am feeling in a good mood ;)
HIM: Il let u show me how it's done then
ME: That's just a cop out now! Ok to start with when messaging someone on POF before you get to the whole 'wanna ride my cock' thing you need to give them a bit of banter, charm them, talk or in this case message them. Kind of get them interested in you first then whip out the whole 'suck my cock' kind of thing.
He has since disappeared to terrorise some other woman with his rubbish chat up lines. But this people is what I am faced with in the world of online dating, and just in case any of you men out there are reading this please take on board my suggestions on how to chat to a woman!
Time for self-defense classes
I've been thinking for some time now that I should start taking some form of self-defense classes. Actually I lie I have been watching people train in MMA and kind of think it would be cool to umm train with all those fit guys. What can I say I like men who have nice bodies!!
Anyway I had a date last Friday night, well not a date exactly more of a meet for the first time and see how we get along. We had been chatting for awhile, that means in the word of online dating we had been messaging for at least a couple of days and had spoken on the phone once. I was free on the Friday night and he offered to meet up for a drink so I'm all for new experiences so thought why not.
It started off badly, well not badly as such more I was running late and got kind of lost a bit. By lost it means the sat nav leaves it to the very last moment to tell me to turn and so I normally miss turnings. I do now have a good knowledge about New Brighton in the dark and which streets you should lock your car doors on when you go down them.
So the brief was to park in his road and call him, so this I did after accidentally emptying the contents of my bag on the pavement. Then this guy comes up to me, suffice to say his pictures on POF (Plenty of Fish) where probably a few years old and he has since put on some weight, which fair enough we all do and I have nothing against that but it is kind of wrong in my point of view, false advertising and all of that.
Anyway after a quick hello he then takes me to a pub, this I don't mind even though I had stated that pubs and clubs are not fully my scene and that I don't drink alcohol. I should clear that up a bit I do drink alcohol but not often and I need to be in the right company if I do. So mine was a lemonade & lime, my drink of the moment and his was a pint of beer. He kept making remarks about the fact that I should have a proper drink but I stuck to my guns and said no. At the start of the night he was funny, charming etc and all of that stuff men put on show for a first meeting with a girl. Three pints later it was a different story to be honest, by this time I could see that he was a bit tipsy and the pub was getting pretty busy which is out of my comfort zone. So I suggested we leave in the hope I could go home if I'm honest.
That is when it all goes a bit scary, its about a 10 minute walk back to my car in the pouring rain with a guy who I don't know that well and is pissed and three times as big as I am. So on the way back he decides that he wants something other than a chat from me! At this point he had me against a wall and was trying to force his tongue down my throat, not what I expected and certainly not what I wanted!! I managed to get him off me and convinced him to get me back to my car at which point I made a swift exit.
This scared me to death anything could have happened, but I'm a grown woman of 31 why the hell did I even put myself into this position. What an idiot I was!! In fact I'm still kicking myself over the fact that I let this happen at all and have promptly decided going out at night with a man who I don't know that well is now on my 'Do NOT do' list. Which then leads me to my thought about taking self-defense classes, after speaking to a couple of friends I think this is definitely something I need to do.
Does anyone else have any bad first date experiences?
Anyway I had a date last Friday night, well not a date exactly more of a meet for the first time and see how we get along. We had been chatting for awhile, that means in the word of online dating we had been messaging for at least a couple of days and had spoken on the phone once. I was free on the Friday night and he offered to meet up for a drink so I'm all for new experiences so thought why not.
It started off badly, well not badly as such more I was running late and got kind of lost a bit. By lost it means the sat nav leaves it to the very last moment to tell me to turn and so I normally miss turnings. I do now have a good knowledge about New Brighton in the dark and which streets you should lock your car doors on when you go down them.
So the brief was to park in his road and call him, so this I did after accidentally emptying the contents of my bag on the pavement. Then this guy comes up to me, suffice to say his pictures on POF (Plenty of Fish) where probably a few years old and he has since put on some weight, which fair enough we all do and I have nothing against that but it is kind of wrong in my point of view, false advertising and all of that.
Anyway after a quick hello he then takes me to a pub, this I don't mind even though I had stated that pubs and clubs are not fully my scene and that I don't drink alcohol. I should clear that up a bit I do drink alcohol but not often and I need to be in the right company if I do. So mine was a lemonade & lime, my drink of the moment and his was a pint of beer. He kept making remarks about the fact that I should have a proper drink but I stuck to my guns and said no. At the start of the night he was funny, charming etc and all of that stuff men put on show for a first meeting with a girl. Three pints later it was a different story to be honest, by this time I could see that he was a bit tipsy and the pub was getting pretty busy which is out of my comfort zone. So I suggested we leave in the hope I could go home if I'm honest.
That is when it all goes a bit scary, its about a 10 minute walk back to my car in the pouring rain with a guy who I don't know that well and is pissed and three times as big as I am. So on the way back he decides that he wants something other than a chat from me! At this point he had me against a wall and was trying to force his tongue down my throat, not what I expected and certainly not what I wanted!! I managed to get him off me and convinced him to get me back to my car at which point I made a swift exit.
This scared me to death anything could have happened, but I'm a grown woman of 31 why the hell did I even put myself into this position. What an idiot I was!! In fact I'm still kicking myself over the fact that I let this happen at all and have promptly decided going out at night with a man who I don't know that well is now on my 'Do NOT do' list. Which then leads me to my thought about taking self-defense classes, after speaking to a couple of friends I think this is definitely something I need to do.
Does anyone else have any bad first date experiences?
Monday 27 August 2012
The perils of online dating
Being self employed and working from home you don't get to see that many people, it also doesn't help if you have just moved to the area and have no friends. In fact to be honest it is really lonely and boring and for someone like me who loves to chat away to people so it is not an ideal situation.
Anyway I am not one to sit around and think about the 'what if's' so I decided to have a go at online dating. Well it didn't start off as online dating more the fact that I wanted to meet people in my general area of the world and get out and about. Bearing in mind money is/was tight I joined one of the popular free dating sites called Plenty of Fish. It really should be renamed as Plenty of Sleezeballs in my opinion, however I digress.
It started off well, I added my profile and pictures and started exploring the site. I went with the humorous but truthful approach to my profile and thought it was pretty good. However I have since been told that it is too long and from the messages I receive it is quite clear that no man ever reads it!
I was getting lots of messages from lots of different people, I thought it was the right thing to reply to them all, I have since changed my mind on that as awful as it sounds. I started having conversations with a few people and actually was daredevil enough to meet up with a few people. Now at this point you need to understand that I am not a 'Player' in fact I have no idea what that term actually implies. I just like meeting people and feel that you should meet as many people as possible who you click with just incase they might be the one.
I have had mixed results and have gained a couple of good friends from my meet ups, I like to stay in touch with people as its a polite and nice thing to do. Plus the people I have met interest me with great conversation skills and interesting thoughts on life. I have had a couple of absolutely awful dates/meet ups if I am truthful and am a lot wary about who I chat to now. I will do separate blog posts for them because they deserve a special mention all on their own.
One thing I have come to realise is that it is such a degrading world, in the aspect of online dating. I understand that I am not everyone's cup of tea but being rejected simply from my pictures does hit you where it hurts and makes you wonder why you carry on. The fact that you can also be having great conversations with people and all of a sudden they disappear with no reason is also one I can not fathom out. This has happened a couple of times and I am left wondering if it was something I said, but in the end I need to figure out that it is there loss not mine.
I was thinking about giving it all up as a waste of time but I think I may just continue for a bit, mainly to give me some blog juice and because it is interesting sometimes.
Anyway I am not one to sit around and think about the 'what if's' so I decided to have a go at online dating. Well it didn't start off as online dating more the fact that I wanted to meet people in my general area of the world and get out and about. Bearing in mind money is/was tight I joined one of the popular free dating sites called Plenty of Fish. It really should be renamed as Plenty of Sleezeballs in my opinion, however I digress.
It started off well, I added my profile and pictures and started exploring the site. I went with the humorous but truthful approach to my profile and thought it was pretty good. However I have since been told that it is too long and from the messages I receive it is quite clear that no man ever reads it!
I was getting lots of messages from lots of different people, I thought it was the right thing to reply to them all, I have since changed my mind on that as awful as it sounds. I started having conversations with a few people and actually was daredevil enough to meet up with a few people. Now at this point you need to understand that I am not a 'Player' in fact I have no idea what that term actually implies. I just like meeting people and feel that you should meet as many people as possible who you click with just incase they might be the one.
I have had mixed results and have gained a couple of good friends from my meet ups, I like to stay in touch with people as its a polite and nice thing to do. Plus the people I have met interest me with great conversation skills and interesting thoughts on life. I have had a couple of absolutely awful dates/meet ups if I am truthful and am a lot wary about who I chat to now. I will do separate blog posts for them because they deserve a special mention all on their own.
One thing I have come to realise is that it is such a degrading world, in the aspect of online dating. I understand that I am not everyone's cup of tea but being rejected simply from my pictures does hit you where it hurts and makes you wonder why you carry on. The fact that you can also be having great conversations with people and all of a sudden they disappear with no reason is also one I can not fathom out. This has happened a couple of times and I am left wondering if it was something I said, but in the end I need to figure out that it is there loss not mine.
I was thinking about giving it all up as a waste of time but I think I may just continue for a bit, mainly to give me some blog juice and because it is interesting sometimes.
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